Ahhhh I love the Wood.

I am starting to think about wood. Size, sensitivity, hardness, age, refractory periods, holding back orgasm, spilling the seed, obesity, medications, all things related to wood. The amazing staff of life, (sorry bread, but woman cannot live on you alone) it's many shapes and sizes. The curves that scratch the insatiable itch.

Size: Does it matter? a big Yes is probably the most honest answer, but having a small dick doesn't inhibit orgasm for your partner. The size and quality of your self esteem has a bigger effect than your dick size. I have found that smaller dicks are more sensitive (see sensitivity below) -and they are easier to blow. Smaller dicks fit perfectly in your mouth and don't take hours to reach orgasm. They don't hurt your jaw muscles after hours of sucking. They still rub you raw after hours of fucking, and are far more comfortable when shoved up the asshole. So there, big cocked guys, the little masters of the less endowed enjoy pleasures you may never know.

Sensitivity: It stands to reason that smaller dicks are more sensitive. The same number of nerve endings, on average, because every human is different, are spread across the area space of the flesh of the cock. I knew a guy with a super huge dick -didn't know him in the biblical sense- that would complain to me how long it took him to come because he was not that sensitive. This sensitivity could also a bad thing for that smaller cocked man. If it takes the woman they are screwing a long time to come, and if their dick is very sensitive, perhaps they cannot hold out long enough, and might come before she does leading to some level of disappointment.

This leads us to...

Hardness: I have found that the more a man is physically active on a regular basis, following a physical practice that is demanding -yoga, martial arts, basketball, running, cycling, hockey, weight lifting- the harder his dick becomes. I think this can be attributed to the presence of male hormones that are activated by the stress placed on the body. Testosterone is being released in a timely, predictable manner. And I think these physical activities assist in maintaining circulation of the blood which in turn increases the amount of blood able to flow into the cock. Whatever the physical reason, there is nothing better than a hard cock no matter what size.

Age: Well, it happens to us all if we are lucky enough to live a long time. Age and the depletion of the production of hormones allows for a softer dick that may not experience orgasm every time it fucks. This is okay for the ladies, just an ironic role reversal. Now we want it every night, and our men are nervous and embarrassed about their ability to perform -will I get hard, will it stay, how will it feel, will I be able to do it again if I don't satisfy her the first time?

Wait a minute...we're about to address the...

Refractory period: is way, way longer now if you do get off. So, you won't be able to fuck again for a while if you do give into the big release. Age and hormones really affect this ability, this feeling that you could go again and again, the feeling that you thought would never leave, has now left with the glow of youth.

Holding Back Orgasm: This taoist practice is said to decrease the refractory period, increase the sensation of orgasm, steal the energy of the woman you are with and deliver her youth and vitality-her "jing"- to you (but only if she orgasms, of course, there is always a catch). This practice claims to build the energy that might otherwise be lost and contain it in the body and mind allowing a man to focus on complicated tasks or to reach levels of enlightenment that might not otherwise be possible in a human that is dissipating this orgasmic energy at every opportunity. Some can do this after much practice using the Kegel muscles to contract at the point of orgasm, some simply apply pressure to the "taint"at that special moment thus stopping the flow of juicy goo and absorbing that goodness again and again.

Spilling the seed: Nothing like a final release, right? Especially after a nice cheap massage. Premature ejaculation is another issue. You need a very patient woman and practice, practice, practice to build stamina and resistance to coming. Plus, during the training time -cue Rocky movie theme music, da na nah, da na naah- the premature quick-draw-McGraw must have other skills to rely on so that this mate is motivated to help him and not a frustrated mess. (see fingerblasting post and cunnilingus post for some tips)

Obesity: Lose 20 pounds, gain an inch of cock length, I've been told. I think this works for two reasons. First, an optical illusion; remove flab around your midsection and all of a sudden that inch that has been tucked away is exposed. Second, now that you are skinnier, you can shove yourself -even your whole body- closer to your lady without "carmichael-ing" her and give her a little more wood than your fatter alter ego could deliver. Thirdly, if you are losing weight, chances are you are exercising and eating right -see hardness entry above- increasing the amount of blood that can flow into the cock.

Medications: Ahh... the dreaded medically enforced erectile dysfunction. It's better than being dead, right? Listen guys, now is the time, and might I add it is never too late, to work on your fingerblasting techniques and cunnilingus expertise. Your cock will not always be there to rely on, you must diversify your assets to make yourself a good sexual investment. Your hands though, will always be hard, and your mouth will always be suckibly soft. A nice balance and two of the best substitutes for the beautiful contradic(k)tory soft-to-the-touch and hard-for-the-plunge dick. Then there is the other side of the medication coin. Instead of prescriptions that keep someone healthy but lead to a soft dick, the viagra pill, which I have no experience with yet but I am sure in the future I will know the power and benefits of this little magic pill, give the otherwise wood challenged a stiff knob. What fun! Is it? I've heard of marathon sessions, rubbed raw cocks and crotches, trips to the emergency room, hooker's charging by the hour...Does anyone have any anecdotes related to this experience they want to share?

Curves: When I was in college, my room mate's boyfriend's nickname was "J" for the way his dick turned when erect. This name was given to him by his friends, not his girlfriend. I often wondered, how did they know which way his erect dick meandered? Boys, do tell, do you catch a gander at all your friends wood? My room mate loved it. Especially, she said, when they did it "crosswise" you know, the position where she was laying on her back, and he on his side, so his dick rubbed her g spot perfectly. Or she'd spin perpendicular (no pun intended) on top to get the right angle, her shoulder and the side of her body facing his front. Some guys are lucky to have their dick curve up -making missionary a perfecto position- and some dicks curve down, making, you guessed it, doggie style the preferred position for ultimate vaginal stimulation. Have no fear, if your dick is straight and true, you are best fitted for all positions -anal too- you just have to work out a little extra aiming, moving your whole body to get at a certain zone. Just pick a position, point and go.

If you're looking for me, I'll be camping in the woods...

Bringing Back the Vulva

I started to really think about the vulva because my sister taught her daughter to refer to her genitals as her vulva. I was a little horrified at this at first. I thought, she'll be laughed out of the locker room when she starts referring to her genitals as a vulva when all the other girls will surely call it their vagina (or pussy, twat, cunt, whatever). My sister defended the vulva though, saying that is the visible part of the situation, from the outside you don't even see the vagina, so why refer to the vulva as a vagina? This got me to thinking, yeah, why not the vulva? It's where the clit lives, it's where the lips are loving life, it's the part you most frequently clean for proper vulva health and happiness. It's the appetizer-that could also work as an entree- on the cunnilingus menu. It's the most noted camel toe.

Did you ever notice how people's genitals are mirrored by the features on their face? I think I can tell exactly how someone's genitals look by the way their eyes, nose and mouth are situated, and the size of such features. The face is the reflection of the vulva (and equally, the penis). I think we are unconsciously aware of this when we think a person is attractive to us, we are also checking out their reproductive parts, but it doesn't register consciously.

Another reason to refer to the downtown lady as a vulva is that the word vagina means scabbard. A place to slide your sword. According to Wikipedia, the word vulva was taken from volva or vulva which means "womb, female genitals", probably from the Latin volvere "to roll" or "wrapper". Is this simply the same concept, a "wrapper" for your sword, like a scabbard? Or all the goodies are "rolled" in this vulva?

Possibly vulva, or the jelly roll, is a reference to rock and roll, which I believe is a description of screwing, girl on top style. Rocking is the back and forth, pelvic tilt created with abdominal muscles pulling up and in and tipping down and back. Rolling is the circular action, swirling your hips on top on the cock, 360 degrees, like hula hooping an invisible hoop. Get it? This "rocking and rolling" action was thought to create a "reeling" in the receiver (and I'll tell ya, the giver gets something out of it too!) Such action really stimulates the vulva.

Sheath that sword. Rock and roll will never die. Long live the vulva.

Bust that cherry!

Everybody remembers their first time. Usually vividly. Intercourse ..ooooooh. So grown up. But what were your requirements? Some women set it up or wait for what they think is the perfect moment, prom night in a nice hotel with their first loves or the equivalent. Does that put too much pressure on the moment to deliver beyond what it really is? Yes, I understand the intimacy involved in the act of lovemaking, he sticks something of him inside of you (like Adam says... uhhh, it's only my rib Eve...relax...I won't tell anybody). It's a moment imbued with trust, for sure. For some, it just comes down to that decisive moment when they think they are being left behind by sexually active friends, or for others like me, the day they are drunk enough not to care, the "get it over with" attitude (one 40 ounce Bud was all it took, ahhh, youth).

For most women I have talked to, whatever road they took to get to hymen-free living, the thoughts after the act were...huh? that's it? We are told to expect big things from this moment, BLOOD! Tears of JOY. LIFelong LOVE! Immediate PRegnancy! The Pain of HELL. No one mentions the oozing sperm that will eventually soak your little undies and leave you feeling all day like your twat sneezed. Or the uncomfortable and awkward moments between even the best of friends and longest term boy/girlfriends after that certain edge has been gleaned. That intimate knowledge learned. Someone got something and someone relented and the power struggle begins.

Most women did not orgasm that first time, and even for years after they started having sex - this may be changing with the proliferation of sex toys, and ease of acquiring them over the internet- thank you internet!!!! So what was driving them to fuck if they weren't even getting off? The satisfaction of getting off their guy? Yes, that's a part of it. The feeling of appreciation from that guy? Now were getting warmer. The feeling of being loved and the affection that accompanies the act of lovemaking? Perhaps. Or is it the new found power that the woman now has over her pussy whipped boyfriend? So in giving it up, does she gain an advantage?

Some -like me- kept at it for practice. I knew that first time couldn't be IT, there had to be MORE. I thought, like a muscle, if I used it, it would grow. If I got used to it, something, that thing, would eventually happen.

I found that this attitude scared men. I wasn't in it for the babies, the relationship, the power, the commitment, I wanted to practice and get good at it. I was in it for the pleasure. That is intimidating to a guy who now has a much bigger responsibility -in his mind- to get me off. If it is all about the sexual act, and those moments only, they couldn't make it up to me later with a nice dinner, or any other scenarios that assuaged the other ladies. I suppose in looking back I was a pretty harsh judge, they were only learning as I was, but why did they talk such a huge game if they couldn't deliver?

Peacocking, bravado, a facet of the mating dance. In any case I did give them their chance to prove it. Little did I know that my orgasmic sexual satisfaction was up to me all along (can you hear me clicking my ruby red shoes together, "there's nothing like masturbation, nothing like masturbation"). And now all that masturbation has really paid off in sexual satisfaction with another human. Coming is exponential.

So basically, the boys had years of masturbation under their belts, and the girls were starting from scratch. Hopefully, the future holds more masturbating girls starting younger in life, who will reap those benefits and will enjoy sex more when the time comes to bust that cherry.

One last thought, do the women who plan the perfect de-virginalization night also become bridezillas?

A Vicious Cycle: Women's horniness killed by asshole behavior.

Guys wonder why they do not get enough sex in a relationship. The reason? Women are cut off at the pass by asshole behavior from their man. Women get cranky and need to be fucked, sometimes they don't even know how bad they need it, or as much or as often as they do. Woman are at their horniest and are maybe acting a little crazy from being pent up, a side effect of our busy lives of thinking about others, but right when we need it most, usually our guys do something that makes us so mad, that we don't want to fuck them at all! What an asshole! And nobody can work up the energy to fuck an asshole (and get off).

Is this an unconscious way that men withhold sex from their women? They complain that women don't want sex as often as men do, but that is just not true, women just can't suck and fuck someone they are mad at. Perhaps the nature of the standard act of intercourse allows men to fuck even if they hold a grudge. Who wouldn't want to pound on someone you were mad at? (and get off in the process, great!) But for women, getting fucked after you feel fucked over emotionally just... is not acceptable, literally.

Here's the advice, if your woman is acting cranky, and you know she needs it, instead of the lecture that your not getting enough downtown action, or grabbing her and humping her while she picks up the dirty laundry you left on the floor last week, or humping her during any other chore that is demanding her time at that moment, or yaking that your needs are not being met, (insert any other whiny, whiny man complaints about their sex life here) or even telling her she "just needs to be fucked" which is like saying "are you gonna go on the rag soon, you're a bitch!?" INSTEAD, think of the ways you can arouse her. Take a shower, maybe you can entice her into taking one with you by saying how you would love to scrub her (all over, not just her titties) with luscious soaps, or shampoo her hair as she relaxes, or whatever it takes to get her into the shower with you, dry her off, dry yourself off, and then do all the things you have been dreaming of. If you can't get her in the shower with you, take one by yourself, meet her with a clean body and start being very nice to her, arouse her, then she will be more than happy to fuck you. Buy some nice smelling lotion and massage her whole body. You may have to do this a few times without expecting sex after. This will lure her into relaxing and eventually, maybe the second or third time you are massaging her, she will fuck your brains out.

Did you notice the "arouse her" message? This is a major missing link for men. Women are focused on and distracted by the things they have to do in life -especially if they have kids, they are always thinking of what they have to do for the kids- and cannot just switch into fuck-me mode unless aroused (or driven into fuck-me mode by time and pent up sex drive energy that has not been released -see above- but by that time she is already very crazy!). Sometimes, you can't just lift her skirt and start chomping, she may need a little more warm up, BUT sometimes that's ALL it takes, a random act of cunnilingus and a nice finger-blasting that does not need to be immediately reciprocated with a blow job does wonders for a girl's heart and mind.

You won't even have to think about arousing her so much if you are not an asshole! She will be more apt and ready to screw you if you are doing things that make you appear to be a good guy in her eyes. Remember, sex is habitual, the more they do it, the more regularly women will want to do it. Think about it. They need it as much as you. They want it as much as you. They also want you to be fuckable. So, be a good guy, and she will screw you more often.

Jane'e Guide review of Smutty Intelligence

I've been given a "quality" rating from Jane's Guide and I didn't even sleep with anybody!

smutty intelligence

I had a lot of fun reading Karen's blog. It is a wonderful collection of insights into sexuality written by a confident woman over thirty. Here is one of my favorite quotes from her work, "Well, some ladies are a little shy about 'masturbating' themselves in front of a new guy. I might be a little harsh but I think this kind of shy is ridiculous. Ladies, you are letting them stick their penis in you but are too shy to get yourself off in the process? Shy and demure behavior is not for the bedroom, it's for when you meet his parents, or children, or boss." I could not have said it better myself. Karen has a wonderfully brazen tone throughout her writing, and I love it. - Vamp

Date Reviewed: 2008-07-08
Cost: Free Advertising Content: Low
Category Listings: Advice / Education, Blogs / Journals - Sex, Sexuality Info

Hurray for Mirena!

Today I got my IUD inserted. This morning, just a few hours ago, and I feel great. A little cramping upon insertion, but I rode my bike home afterward and feel totally normal and fine.

Now I have 5 years of the best birth control money can buy and a lot less to worry about. They say my periods will regulate over the next year and could stop altogether (hopefully). I always liked getting my period, because the alternative was too horrible to think about. It was a reassuring pain in the ass. At least I knew I was NOT pregnant if I was on the rag. Now I will have to trust my little R2D2 friend, the vaginal squid that battles sperm and all it's potential.
I have a feeling that I won't miss Aunt Flo's visits from Redbank too much.

Many monogamous women I know are choosing this IUD option for birth control. Some non-monogamous women I know have it too and I wonder if it is very very tempting not to use condoms, or is the fear of disease enough to motivate condom use? It will be for me. For now -at this moment, week, month?? I am monogamous, and if I choose to bang a new man, I'm definatly wrapping that sausage.

Horny, horny women and their sexual peak, part two

The "horny horny women and their sexual peak" post was quite popular. Apparently, this phenomena is just another of women's sexual experiences that we as a society consider a dirty little secret. I guess it's what made Mrs. Robinson from "the Graduate" such a controversial figure? Here are some comments I received, would love to hear how anyone would reply to the last fellow who is grappling with his wife's horny nature.

anonymous #1
Thanks for this post. I am realizing now that I've hit my sexual peak, even though my boyfriend tells me that it's at age 40. I just turned 30. I have suddenly had the urge to literally fuck all of my male co-workers. I'm glad I'm not alone in all of this.
I've been fucking my boyfriend 3 times a day and feel this great urge to make a baby. I will be reading your journal more often.

The thing that strikes me about this comment is that her lucky boyfriend is getting it 3 times a day and still has the balls to say she isn't hitting some kind of sexual peak? Perhaps she hasn't peaked, I understand, things could get wilder, better, she'll get more confident, she is just starting this phase, but that she feels something and he denies it makes my hackles go up. Maybe -in addition to the hormonal surge- she wants to fuck her co-workers because they respect her? Okay, perhaps that isn't the case, he may be simply ignorant, like the rest of the world, about this and maybe wants to let her know that it's just going to get BETTER! I would definitely say this falls under the fertile/baby making category. Listen Honey, don't get fooled by your body into motherhood if you don't want it, or are not ready, a child is yours FOREVER. But have fun with your horniness. I think it makes a woman feel beautiful, charismatic, and sexy.

Oh, and by the way, I was reminded of a moment in my life the other day and it occurred to me that it was probably the onset of my "sexual peak" phase. I was 30, yes 30 like the woman above, walking down 14th street in Manhattan, thinking about a guy I knew from Europe; I had just moved back to NYC. I was just thinking of what he would be doing that time of day, drinking tea, or whatever. It was not even a sexually charged fantasy when my nipples got HARD, both of them, and as they rubbed against my shirt I had a full-body-sensation-orgasm walking down the street. It was as if I was not even in control of this body. It took me by surprise (a pleasant surprise) and I have never been able to recreate that moment. (yes, I've tried). So, I think 30 might be some official start, like adolescence may start physically changing girls at 10, but for some not until 12 or 14, or even 16, right? Next comment.

anonymous #2
Just found this site when I was searching the web for "women's sexual peak." I am almost 44 yrs old and ever since I turned 40, I have been horny all the time. I was horny in my late teens-20's, basically almost 0 in my 30s, and now, WOW! And it seems to be getting more intense. I masturbate almost daily since my lover is in another state. I have been trying really hard not to place an ad online looking for a FWB situation. I see men on the street and want to do it right there with them. Thank goodness for some wonderful toys I have been experimenting with. Too bad they don't come with warm bodies.
-she continues-
I'm not so sure that the sexual peak has anything to do with my biological clock. My "child" is 21yrs old and I'm 44. I've always been sexual, having started sex as a young teen. I've always had a good sexual life and always enjoyed it. I've had great partners. But about 2 yrs ago, I noticed, and in fact, I think my partner noticed before I did--that I wanted and NEEDED sex more often. It has since intensified and all I want to do is get off. I want to fuck everybody--men and women, all day and night. I think about it all the time, no matter what I'm doing. I have no intentions of having or feelings for wanting another child at all--instead, I feel liberated that my kid is an adult right now.

I love this post. The woman is also taking it into her own hands (or toys) which I love. For me, just the fantasy of a warm body is enough sometimes, who needs the actual person? Also, I am ignorant of these abbreviations...what is a FWB situation? Let me know...
The mistake is that she thinks the horniness is some kind of desire, conscious or otherwise, to have kids when I simply refer to the ovulation process being amped. I have no desire for children either, but am still horny horny horny. I actually think it is a cruel twist for us ladies who love the freedom of unmotherhood, that we are so horny at a time when it is so easy for us to conceive. As far as her not feeling horny in her 30's, I have heard that having kids, and their related baggage, ie. responsibility (work more to make money to provide), care taking (bathe feed and clothe the little one), affection (they love you and crawl all over you, drooling, crying, laughing, jumping, enough physically activity to satisfy any affection level) care giving (you love them, hold them, bandage wounds, develop their lives, pick out schools, take them to music lessons, etc.) these parental duties really have a way of taking the focus off of oneself and depositing it onto the child. This woman was around 23 when she had a child, so the bulk of rearing the kid happened in her 30's. She may have been pumping out the best fertile eggs during those years, but fatigue of child rearing and focusing on a little one's life could have acted as an antidote to horniness. Once she felt she was done, "liberated" that is, her child is 21 and all grown up, her horniness flourished! hurray!! !! seems normal and natural to me.

anonymous #3
Thanks for the honesty ladies. Has this urge subsided any? Seems my wife is/was going through this. It started when she was around 30 and now she's 36 how much longer will she have this urge? BTW, I understand when you see someone attractive, you might take a double look, but as you ladies say you want to screw just about every guy you see. Also, any tips to fulfill her fantasies while in this sexual peak would be greatly appreciated. FYI, we've always been a sexually charged couple and I don't consider are sex life "dull".

Well, the urge has not subsided for me. And as you can read above, the woman who is 44 is just starting to feel this (well, at 40 years she started to feel it), so I think you are perhaps in for a longer haul than a short horny ride.
First:
Get her good sex toys and give her plenty of privacy to use them. (see earlier posts regarding good vibes) She can take the edge off by masturbating and fantasizing about who she wants to fuck. DAILY. She should do this in addition to screwing you.
Second:
Do it whenever and wherever. Be ready if you need condoms for protection, and go at it in different places, at different times. Sometimes just service her orally or manually (see fingerblasting post, or cunnilingus post)
Third:
If you don't already, then use vibrators in your sex acts to enhance her pleasure. The "hitachi magic wand" on the clit IS magic during intercourse, and as some women have confided, they don't get off in the same way without it.
Fourth:
Consider a threesome. Maybe screwing one of the guys she wants to, and you at the same time, will also calm the beast. Or maybe like the lady above, her horniness extends to an interest in ladies? I can understand how that may not appeal if you are married and want to keep the sexual relationship private, but a suggestion nonetheless. Perhaps you know a friendly couple looking for a switch-a-roo and then you all win.
Fifth:
Alter your appearance if possible. Grow your hair, cut your hair, grow a beard, shave your beard. Your chameleon like ways will fuel her "I am with the Xerox repairman tonight" fantasy and may make you more dynamic to her as you are not the same old guy, night after night.
Sixth:
Change your sexual pattern. If you are finding that you do it in the same way all the time, like a "by the bases" foreplay scenario- kiss kiss, squeeze a boobie, rub the twat, stick it in- you may want to mix it up.
Seventh:
Maybe this should have been the first suggestion, but have an honest discussion about her orgasmic ways. Is she getting off when she is with you? What could you do to facilitate this? Leggo your ego, if you know what I mean. Even if she's been faking for ten years, better to find out and change your ways then lose someone you love.