Saturday, August 9, 2008

Bust that cherry!

Everybody remembers their first time. Usually vividly. Intercourse ..ooooooh. So grown up. But what were your requirements? Some women set it up or wait for what they think is the perfect moment, prom night in a nice hotel with their first loves or the equivalent. Does that put too much pressure on the moment to deliver beyond what it really is? Yes, I understand the intimacy involved in the act of lovemaking, he sticks something of him inside of you (like Adam says... uhhh, it's only my rib Eve...relax...I won't tell anybody). It's a moment imbued with trust, for sure. For some, it just comes down to that decisive moment when they think they are being left behind by sexually active friends, or for others like me, the day they are drunk enough not to care, the "get it over with" attitude (one 40 ounce Bud was all it took, ahhh, youth).

For most women I have talked to, whatever road they took to get to hymen-free living, the thoughts after the act were...huh? that's it? We are told to expect big things from this moment, BLOOD! Tears of JOY. LIFelong LOVE! Immediate PRegnancy! The Pain of HELL. No one mentions the oozing sperm that will eventually soak your little undies and leave you feeling all day like your twat sneezed. Or the uncomfortable and awkward moments between even the best of friends and longest term boy/girlfriends after that certain edge has been gleaned. That intimate knowledge learned. Someone got something and someone relented and the power struggle begins.

Most women did not orgasm that first time, and even for years after they started having sex - this may be changing with the proliferation of sex toys, and ease of acquiring them over the internet- thank you internet!!!! So what was driving them to fuck if they weren't even getting off? The satisfaction of getting off their guy? Yes, that's a part of it. The feeling of appreciation from that guy? Now were getting warmer. The feeling of being loved and the affection that accompanies the act of lovemaking? Perhaps. Or is it the new found power that the woman now has over her pussy whipped boyfriend? So in giving it up, does she gain an advantage?

Some -like me- kept at it for practice. I knew that first time couldn't be IT, there had to be MORE. I thought, like a muscle, if I used it, it would grow. If I got used to it, something, that thing, would eventually happen.

I found that this attitude scared men. I wasn't in it for the babies, the relationship, the power, the commitment, I wanted to practice and get good at it. I was in it for the pleasure. That is intimidating to a guy who now has a much bigger responsibility -in his mind- to get me off. If it is all about the sexual act, and those moments only, they couldn't make it up to me later with a nice dinner, or any other scenarios that assuaged the other ladies. I suppose in looking back I was a pretty harsh judge, they were only learning as I was, but why did they talk such a huge game if they couldn't deliver?

Peacocking, bravado, a facet of the mating dance. In any case I did give them their chance to prove it. Little did I know that my orgasmic sexual satisfaction was up to me all along (can you hear me clicking my ruby red shoes together, "there's nothing like masturbation, nothing like masturbation"). And now all that masturbation has really paid off in sexual satisfaction with another human. Coming is exponential.

So basically, the boys had years of masturbation under their belts, and the girls were starting from scratch. Hopefully, the future holds more masturbating girls starting younger in life, who will reap those benefits and will enjoy sex more when the time comes to bust that cherry.

One last thought, do the women who plan the perfect de-virginalization night also become bridezillas?

6 comments:

  1. Would you believe that I've still got mine...at 34!?!

    I'm not really sure how that came to be. I was never one of those girls who thought, "I'm going to be so in love, and it's going to be so wonderful!" I always thought it was going to be awkward, I didn't believe in love (still don't), and I had my gynecologist take out my hymen when I was 16 so it wouldn't hurt. Who knew another 18(!) years would go by and I could have left it alone?

    Basically, I was waiting until I met someone who wasn't going to tell all his friends the next day. Then I, like you, was intending to practice, practice, practice. The only point of doing it the first time is so that you can do it the second time. The point, I thought, was to become good at it and comfortable with it.

    The one time I got close, we were making out, and he gave me a hug and told me he loved me. Whoops.
    I had to tell him I didn't love him back. I liked him well enough, but I didn't love him. So I told him and he...well, he was not happy, and he went home.

    I'm happy I did tell him, though, because it would have been weird if he cared for me and I didn't reciprocate.

    I don't know what I should do now. I'm just trying to find friendship, respect and trust, but it's not happening. Maybe there's something wrong with me.

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  2. There is nothing wrong with you... and technically you busted your cherry at 16! congratulations!
    Not in a very hot or romantic way, but it showed initiative. Is your honesty and integrity holding you back? Sometimes love can develop, so if he said he loved you and you didn't love him back, that's okay, you could have screwed him anyway and decided later. Plus, you never know, maybe he was just saying "i love you" to get into your pants and you totally took him by surprise with your honest answer.

    You are looking for good things, friendship, respect and trust, but sometimes chemistry is all it takes if you want to have sex. You don't need to be a friend with someone before you do it. You could even have a couple of one night stands with a few appreciative guys to get some practice. You don't have to mention that it is your first time either, some men really like that, some wonder why you are still a virgin, and others see it as too huge a responsibility, a forever memory of their possibly less than stellar performance. Feel it out with whomever you are with. Do you have a guy friend who will help you out with your first time?

    Are you putting too much pressure on yourself to get the full package in one guy right from the start? Here's a story. I used to go out to bars with a friend of mine who really wanted a relationship, and her desperation as she scanned the crowd would drive men away. I didn't have her same need or expectation and men would talk to me all night. So what is the vibe or message you are sending?

    Two questions, have you experienced orgasm? Are you masturbating regularly?

    Make sure you are out in the world, practice flirting. Try not to have expectations of the future, just go with each moment and have fun and it will happen.

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  3. I would have felt really bad about myself if I had slept with him knowing he cared more about me than I did him. And I think he did care: he didn't speak to me for a while after that, and it was really awkward when he did stop giving me the silent treatment. (Can't stand a man who sulks, so I suppose it was all for the best.)

    I think being honest and honorable are as important as being good, giving, and game. I guess it's because that's how I want to be treated, with everyone's intentions on the table. If nothing else, I'd like to avoid as much as possible the "But, I thought you..." and the "You never said..." kinds of arguments.

    I am not very comfortable with strangers, so I don't think a one-night-stand is in my future.

    I'm hoping my guy friends don't even know I'm a virgin, so asking them to lend a hand (or any other body part) would be weird. Anyway, I just moved here a while ago, so I haven't had these friends that long, and I'm not comfortable enough around them to be naked with them. I have thought of doing it with a friend, though. It has always seemed like a good idea to me.

    I don't know what kind of message I am sending. Perhaps "leave me alone," because nobody ever talks to me. (Men or women. Not even to ask what time it is.)

    I don't ever really go out, that is, to clubs or bars or anything like that. I'm more of a lecture/book tour kind of girl.

    Yes, I have experienced orgasm, and yes, I masturbate frequently.
    (This reminds me of high school, when my friends would complain that they had to get someone because they were so horny, and when I would suggest to them that they take care of it themselves, they would look at me like I had three heads.)

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  4. Meredith, you are so awesome!!! I love your response, so full of integrity and honesty, it makes me ashamed of my lying, slutty past!!!! Not really all the way ashamed, but I am happy to hear from an orgasmic virgin looking for the real thing. I am so fully confident that you will find the right man because you are an honest straightforward, right woman who deserves the best.
    Lecture/book club guys are the hottest. They have read the Kama Sutra, have studied and know where it's at. "Out" just means advertising your availability. You don't have to be a bar/pub troll. It's easy to get stuck at home wondering what is out there. I'm glad you are involved in activities that let you make friends (who may eventually graduate into lovers).
    It will happen for you, i believe, and i hope for the best. Keep me posted!!! i hope you write in when you eventually experience your first time! That is, if you have the time to write!!!! Love, Karen

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  5. Something about your closing question made me happy.

    The eve of my 25 I was in another country with a new boyfriend and it* wasn't half bad.

    How fun was that!!!

    Surely more fun than a teen with a prom date!

    I know that when I am married it will be real, laid back, fun and not half bad.

    All the girls I was close with growing up lost it on prom night or before, got married right out H.S and were total Bridzillas. I thought I was missing out!!!

    Your question made me happy because it is kinda like my little secret now.

    No prom, no bridzilla, and no guy that fears me because of our special day. (and no kids, thank you God!)

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  6. hurray! your comment made me very happy. Thanks for commenting and keep reading.

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