Okay, I've heard it, and must do something about it. Lots of women telling me they can't orgasm or masturbate. They feel "stupid" or "lose it" once they start touching themselves. But I can't sit back and let it go on, world peace is basically at stake here, or at least the happiness of men and women! There are reasons for this all-too-common reaction, but the solution is easy, and it just takes practice and imagination.
First, get over yourself and get into yourself.
Clear your schedule, turn off your phone, get a babysitter. Stop thinking about what you are "about to be" doing. Have some wine, relax with a nice toke, whatever it takes to get your mind wandering. Get naked, walk around your room or apartment, stand in front of your mirror and just touch yourself -all over- don't focus on the famous spots or go for the gusto too soon. Let your body relax and breathe. Let your thoughts play out through all the minutia in your life. Don't get stuck there, the operative words are "play out" just think and if you have to, write important things down for later so you don't have the pressure to remember those great ideas you just had. Now you are relaxed and ready for the next stage.
Fantasy time.
To build your library of fantasies, you must start with just one, the first of an ever revolving entertainment database for orgasm. Don't judge anything that comes into your mind. Fantasies are FREAKY and they are allowed to be. No one ever has to know about your real masturbation fantasies unless you tell them. Even then, if your special sweetie wants to know and you don't want to tell, lie and fabricate a "normal" fantasy. Go ahead, tell me I shouldn't promote lies and secrets in relationships, but most people I know would rather have a lying, orgasmic girlfriend than an honest pre-orgasmic frustrated girlfriend.
Vibrators.
Not all women can get off without vibrators. A good thing is that if you practice enough and get off regularly with your vibrators, eventually you may not need them sometimes. You will have developed good habits and sensitivity for orgasm and knowledge of what your body needs at the right time to experience this pleasure, sans tools. A vibrator will never "deaden" your sensitivity or leave you unable to enjoy sex with another person. I believe that vibrators enhance the sexual experience with another person, takes the pressure off your significant other to get you where you want to go, and increases the likelihood of orgasm for you, what could be better?
I suggest a four piece package. For the clit, the amazing "magic wand" from Hitachi. It's about $50 online but totally worth it. I haven't even put it to the second level, I'm STILL on the low setting. Sex therapist Betty Dodson suggests using a dry cotton washcloth or some layer of cloth (I used to use it on the outside of my underwear when I first got it) for first timers because it is quite a great tool. It is powerful, it plugs into the wall.
For vaginal penetration, two different vibes are suggested, first a plain hard plastic type of vibrator that is not shaped like a dick or anything, just smooth and fat, like 2 1/2 - 3 inches is a good, big, hard, smooth vibrator. The second, the "Rabbit". Yes, it is intimidating, it is scary, getting that little buzzing nugget where you want her and at the same time easing that twirling vibe into the vageen take some practice. You shouldn't start with these two straight out for your first time, but they are essentials for your progression. You will want them pretty fast if you are not a stone virgin.
The last vibe you need is for anal penetration and that can be a slim hard plastic or a curved number, maybe get both and see if the curve is for you. Sometimes the curve simply makes it easier to insert it when you are laying down with all the other tools you have hanging out and drilling in and pressing against.
Action.
Okay, you've got a hot storyline cooking in your head and your tools are out and ready for action. I start with clit stimulation first when still fantasizing. Get the hard plastic guy going on your clit, then lay down and move to the magic wand on the clit, (it's harder to move around with the wand as it is plugged into the wall, I have an extension chord to make it more mobile, but by now you should be ready to be fucked anyway) then insert the rabbit -if it is feeling like a rabbit day, or jam on that hard fattie -if it is that kind of day, or go right for the anus (with a generous helping of lube) if that is what you crave, whatever goes with the hot storyline you are imagining. I like to be almost ready, on the verge of vaginal or clitoral orgasm before I go for the anal insertion. It's a great combination, and terrific separate as well. Variety is good. Remember to change the fantasy if it isn't working anymore, getting you hotter, just shift to another. In the beginning it is good to have a few plots in reserve for moments when our mind wanders to the mundane and you have lost that "fantasizing" feeling. Adjust your vibes, change position, change combinations and return to your fantasy when thoughts of people or stressful life events invade your mind.
Persevere.
If you don't get off right away, take a break, breathe, relax, eat something, touch yourself all over, and start the fantasy process again. There can never be failure, just learning. You are that much more experienced than you were before you began. Masturbation is an ongoing learning experience so don't put any stress on yourself to succeed immediately or every time.
Need more info, assistance, support, advice?
I am available for consultations in New York City and the surrounding metropolitan area if you want assistance in shopping for your vibes or advice on how to use them, as well as troubleshooting masturbation difficulties and obstacles. As an official disclaimer, I am not a doctor, a nurse or any member of the medical profession. Just experienced, trustworthy, kind , helpful and open. Normal. To contact me, email karenduffy1@gmail.com or call 917 447 6000.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Three Essentials for Health
Breathe deeply, sweat profusely, orgasm daily.
I have found over the course of practicing this routine that it has a profound effect on personal health and happiness.
Breathe Deeply:
This may appear to be a no-brainer. Of course we all breathe, everyday, involuntarily. There is a difference though, in breathing voluntarily and be careful, you might just pass out. Don't, please, that is not part of the recommended routine. But do, please, try this. Stand up, breath in through your nose, stretch your arms up, link your hands over your head, hold your breath, pull your arms from side to side to open up your trunk, pop those linked hands behind your head, exhale the held breath, open up your chest by pulling your elbows and shoulders back, breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth, drop your arms and relax your body, shake out all tension, even in your stomach and start to fill your lungs slowly and deeply. Concentrate on your body below your belly button and let it flop out a little, fill that space with air, open your ribcage, fill that space with air, roll your shoulders as you breathe and fill that space with air, tilt your head from side to side and stretch your neck as you breathe. Relax into a comfortable position, seated, standing or laying down and breathe. Keep your mind alert and focus on deep breaths, no napping, yet. Fantasizing? Okay. This deep breathing will assist with the third component of the three essentials for health.
Sweat Profusely:
It erases facial wrinkles. Really, they start to disappear. I am not a doctor or health professional and do not know specifically why this is, perhaps the flow of energy, of sweat, coursing through the skin, perhaps the replacement of cells, the regeneration of the body as it metabolizes, it stands to reason that the skin must replace itself and this is the only explanation I can offer for this benefit. The more you sweat, the easier it is to sweat. By working up a sweat in whatever manner you choose, lifting weights, running, swimming, trampoline, martial arts, walking, bicycling, you are keeping yourself alive. Literally. Microbiologist Lynn Margulis says "Metabolism, the incessant chemistry of self maintenance, is an essential feature of life...Through ceaseless metabolism, through chemical and energy flow, life continuously produces, repairs, and perpetuates itself. Only cells, and organisms composed of cells, metabolize." Drink water and sweat it out. Body awareness is a developed skill. If you are sweating you will be more aware of parts of your body and more able to relax and tense muscles, and to feel in tune with your physical being. This physical facet also contributes to a healthy experience of the third component of the three essentials.
Orgasm:
By yourself, at least once daily. If you can get it again with another person, all the more orgasmic power to you. For humanity, this means so much. Masturbation is one of my favorite past-times. It made me a better lover, more orgasmic with another person, more satisfied in my sex life and more confident about sex. More, more, more! Orgasmic, satisfied, confident. Who want to be less orgasmic, less satisfied, less confident? Plus, I know that it has health benefits. I have no medical proof yet, but I know. In an article in about.com's healing section, contributor Chandi Devi writes "Frequent and powerful orgasms increase the level of the orgasm hormone, oxytocin. The oxytocin level is linked to the personality, passion, social skills and emotional quotient (EQ), all of which affects career, marriage, emotions and social life. Orgasms are very beneficial for sexual health because they empower our pituitary (brain function)." So there you go. I believe masturbation and orgasm, especially for our poor sex starved sisters out there, can lead to profound changes in women's lives, and exponentially, the people with whom they share their lives.
Start today, tonight, tomorrow, but try this three fold daily routine. If you can knock down all three in one session, that is perfection. Not only will you affect your own health and happiness, but if you are feeling good, the people around you will benefit.
Future post topics include:
Fantasy and Arousal
Tools and Toys
Sexual Technique and Timing
I have found over the course of practicing this routine that it has a profound effect on personal health and happiness.
Breathe Deeply:
This may appear to be a no-brainer. Of course we all breathe, everyday, involuntarily. There is a difference though, in breathing voluntarily and be careful, you might just pass out. Don't, please, that is not part of the recommended routine. But do, please, try this. Stand up, breath in through your nose, stretch your arms up, link your hands over your head, hold your breath, pull your arms from side to side to open up your trunk, pop those linked hands behind your head, exhale the held breath, open up your chest by pulling your elbows and shoulders back, breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth, drop your arms and relax your body, shake out all tension, even in your stomach and start to fill your lungs slowly and deeply. Concentrate on your body below your belly button and let it flop out a little, fill that space with air, open your ribcage, fill that space with air, roll your shoulders as you breathe and fill that space with air, tilt your head from side to side and stretch your neck as you breathe. Relax into a comfortable position, seated, standing or laying down and breathe. Keep your mind alert and focus on deep breaths, no napping, yet. Fantasizing? Okay. This deep breathing will assist with the third component of the three essentials for health.
Sweat Profusely:
It erases facial wrinkles. Really, they start to disappear. I am not a doctor or health professional and do not know specifically why this is, perhaps the flow of energy, of sweat, coursing through the skin, perhaps the replacement of cells, the regeneration of the body as it metabolizes, it stands to reason that the skin must replace itself and this is the only explanation I can offer for this benefit. The more you sweat, the easier it is to sweat. By working up a sweat in whatever manner you choose, lifting weights, running, swimming, trampoline, martial arts, walking, bicycling, you are keeping yourself alive. Literally. Microbiologist Lynn Margulis says "Metabolism, the incessant chemistry of self maintenance, is an essential feature of life...Through ceaseless metabolism, through chemical and energy flow, life continuously produces, repairs, and perpetuates itself. Only cells, and organisms composed of cells, metabolize." Drink water and sweat it out. Body awareness is a developed skill. If you are sweating you will be more aware of parts of your body and more able to relax and tense muscles, and to feel in tune with your physical being. This physical facet also contributes to a healthy experience of the third component of the three essentials.
Orgasm:
By yourself, at least once daily. If you can get it again with another person, all the more orgasmic power to you. For humanity, this means so much. Masturbation is one of my favorite past-times. It made me a better lover, more orgasmic with another person, more satisfied in my sex life and more confident about sex. More, more, more! Orgasmic, satisfied, confident. Who want to be less orgasmic, less satisfied, less confident? Plus, I know that it has health benefits. I have no medical proof yet, but I know. In an article in about.com's healing section, contributor Chandi Devi writes "Frequent and powerful orgasms increase the level of the orgasm hormone, oxytocin. The oxytocin level is linked to the personality, passion, social skills and emotional quotient (EQ), all of which affects career, marriage, emotions and social life. Orgasms are very beneficial for sexual health because they empower our pituitary (brain function)." So there you go. I believe masturbation and orgasm, especially for our poor sex starved sisters out there, can lead to profound changes in women's lives, and exponentially, the people with whom they share their lives.
Start today, tonight, tomorrow, but try this three fold daily routine. If you can knock down all three in one session, that is perfection. Not only will you affect your own health and happiness, but if you are feeling good, the people around you will benefit.
Future post topics include:
Fantasy and Arousal
Tools and Toys
Sexual Technique and Timing
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