Monday, July 6, 2009

Duty Call

There is nothing like the excitement of a long distance relationship. You are excited to see each other, talk on the phone, aroused everyday just checking your email, squishing love out of every pore of your body.

Once you see each other! Yowza! Sex sex sex pent up love is finally released! Then you have to leave, sad sniffles, plans for the next time. Satisfied sighs. Hot phone calls, lovely emails. The cycle continues.

One of the main things the long distance relationship does not have is "grin-and-bear-it" sex.

We all like to pretend that we would never compromise ourselves, and I really don't know if this is strictly a female phenomena, but there are those times that your man wants it, and you know, eh, you, not so much.

But with some cajoling, whining, prodding, you say "what the hey" and get down to what will probably not be the best sex of your life. It's a sacrifice? um, no. Responsibility? huh? DUTY, yes, there we go.

Remember the "wifely duty"? Well, much to the radical feminists chagrin, it still exists in modern sexual times.

If you're lucky after the initial bullshitty self-compromising feeling has worn off or been replaced by arousal due to a well trained lover's touch, you can actually really enjoy it and later think, "yeah, that WAS a good idea. I can read that book, finish that painting, watch that movie, clean that house, dye my hair (insert the very important thing you were doing prior to the entreaties of your lover to get physical) another time."

The worst time to pull this "begging for it" move is when SLEEP has been at a minimum, or during the middle of the night. Don't wake me up for duty. I am not on duty when dreaming, I'm dreaming, dammit! Sleeping is just as sacred as sex and perhaps equal (what?! did I just say that) when it comes to health and well being. I mean, you can always sleep afterwards, but still, a cranky lady is less duty-bound than one who experiences all levels of proper, deep, uninterrupted sleep.

I have always felt that you only get so much bouncing on the bone in this life and I should take advantage of that wood if it's right there in front of me. It's a natural resource and shouldn't be wasted. But remember guys, it's a renewable resource, so please don't act like every hard on is a snowflake, a hard cock going-out-of-business sale and if we don't take advantage we'll regret it forever.

The equality issue, or let's just call it what it is, payback, is not very equal. It's not like your man is going to complain if you raise your skirt and ask for some after he comes home exhausted from a hard days work, he's going to be ready and willing (usually). I've never met a man who refused the midnight shake 'em, wake 'em, and take 'em. Yes, women are guilty of this intrusion, too.

So, what and where's the return for being so giving of time and body if gender's sex drives and behavior aren't equal? Just the big three- peace, love, and understanding.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Fucking Like a Porn Star

Is it because most men learn about sex through watching porn that they fuck the way they do? Porn is great for arousal, and sometimes can be educational -look how much lube they use BEFore they shove that dildo in the asshole...hmmm...something to remember-but it is not a playbook for lovemaking. 

Yes, I specifically used that goofy word, lovemaking, because you need a little bit of something, something more than robotic physical responses, for an all-time-blue ribbon-five star session of fucking. Animal lust, yes! And maybe a little compassion for the human you are with, or empathy, it doesn't have to be love, but respect for them as a person who is being generous with their body and letting you share in the ultimate physical act of human pleasure.

Most of the time, porn guys don't really act like they have much compassion or empathy for the ladies they are fucking. Especially in the "Real College Girls" series put out by Penthouse. Jeez, these girls withstand a lot of shit for whatever dough they are making. Ugly guys! Ugly guys talking dirty and saying, what I would consider, mean things to their "college whores".  It's kind of a turn off for me. I usually start hating the guys and wondering why the girl(s) is still doing it with them, then I remember that she signed a contract.

I once had a guy tap, slap, whap, I really don't know the term, but he tapped his dick -twice- on my pussy after he came. Like, tapping the ash off a cigarette, sorry, cigar? Like a "thank you" slap on the vulva? I have seen this in porn and usually the girl is like "oooh ! ha ha, yeeah". I was like, "youch, my orgasm sensitive clit does not need to be slapped with your still-hard-but-becoming-flaccid- enough-to-be-a-whip cock.  His reply to my non-verbal reaction? "Oh, that's no good, huh? ok." Which makes me wonder, what impulse was that? Where did he get the idea that a nice post-coital dick whap makes a girl's day? 

And then, there is the ass slapping. I am not against a rowdy round of bounce-off-the-walls fucking. I am pro-rowdy rounds, let me tell you. I love to experience all sorts of athletically challenging positions and am not against a little physicality. But there is a time and place for ass slapping, and a delivery method that is believable and tolerable. 

Don't slap me like I'm a horse that you are encouraging to run away because a posse is chasing you. That will just piss me off, because it will hurt, and hurt -to me- is anti-pleasure. For some women, hurt is pleasurable, they like to be hurt. Discuss this during a pre-sexual contact conversation so you know the limits. Also, when you slap ass, don't say "slap that ass!" It sounds like porn dialogue. It snaps me out of the fun moment of fucking to think, "jeez, what does this guy think, he's the star of his own show? Does he even remember that I'm here, or am I just another piece of ass?"

I may be just another piece of ass, and that's fine, when it's mutual and understood.  But, if you ever want access again, please remember and refer to the illusion you painted to get me in the sack. It should be maintained to a degree that allows both participants to fully enjoy the sexual experience. If I jumped in bed with you because you said you fucked like a porn star, then okay, I deserve whatever porno tricks you can muster, but if I am screwing you because we had a good conversation and fantastic chemistry, then let's have at it, and try our best to have the most fun possible.  

You can even slap my ass-if you grab that cheek with your open palm upon impact, massage the freshly slapped area like you give a shit, yelling  "goddamn you have an unbelievable ASS!".
See, how easy it is to be compassionate?

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Until Death or until us Particles Part

In a recent article in the New York Times, John Tierney writes about the findings of Dr. Young who studies the power of ocytocin and vassopressin, two hormones that are said to increase feelings of trust and bonding in female and male prairie vole's. Those with low levels of these hormones, or blocked capacity, are less likely to bond with mates.

There are numerous studies about the biophysical neurological peptides and hormones that guide and sustain the feelings of love. But what triggers the release of this cocktail of hormones? The body's reaction to another person, right? Well, what is reacting?

I think it is all about particle physics and our "particular - physical" make up. Our bodies produce by-products, like hormones, of our energy which may sustain love. I have read a lot about particle physics over the past few years and I think that the force that drives our bodies is the same energy that drives the rest of the universe; atomic energy, quarks, anti-quarks, mesons and neutrons.

At first I thought that love was an element, or a particle itself, like an atom or quark, but now I believe it is the unknowable energy that holds, binds, and releases particles.

People are alive because of their energy, their life force, and when these particles of energy are attracted to one another, you feel drawn to a person, you want to be near them, you interchange and exchange your energy, you are dynamically changed in the process just like any chemical reaction. "Our chemistry was fantastic" you will hear these recent lovebirds exclaim. "I couldn't stay away".

Just like any chemical reaction, the original matter is forever altered in the exchange of these particles of energy, the wood is still wood, but it has been burnt by the fire and it is carbonized. The water is still water, but because it had become steam, its distilled properties are ever slightly different than how it was before it boiled. You may be a better person, or far worse depending on what kind of particles (person) that love had bound you. You have been exposed and therefore altered.

Physics experts say that particles engage and disengage without rhyme or reason, it is an unpredictable cycle that can be hypothesized about but never locked down. It is the same with love. (and life and death, but not taxes) People become attracted, bump into each other, furiously their particles interchange and move, then release and fly off to form other interactions.

These exchanges could last years, hours or lifetimes. These exchanges also create other particle "bundles of joy"- children are a combined product of these biophysical and energetic reactions and exchanges. (the life part). And when your body is done, your energy dissipates, but is never destroyed. (the death-and everlasting life? re-incarnation? the karmic wheel?- part).

How does love know which energy to bind, it does this randomly? Perhaps. Purposefully? Perhaps. Who actually knows why or when love comes and why or when it leaves? This is the mystery and heartache and blessing of love. Those that are lucky enough to have it should not abuse it, those that want it desperately probably repel others energy, those who are contented, and not looking, experience love unexpectedly.

My friend Marty says "The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else" and he is probably right. Start a new exchange of particles and you will continue the reaction that your energy has grown accustomed to receiving. Your energy will feel less alone.