Tuesday, November 27, 2007

My Pediatrician Made Me Orgasmic

It's true folks, my childhood doctor, when I was about 5 years old started me on a life long practice of Kegel Excersizes. I experienced a variety of bladder problems as a child. My bladder was not strong and was too small. I peed too many times and too little each time. I wet the bed. I would sleep walk and piss into potted plants. I was tested for diabetes. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful due to the results of this prescribed practice but I often wondered looking back, who decides how much urination was too little, too often?

The good doctor told me to stop mid-urine stream and then start again. The idea was to strengthen the muscles and develop bladder control. Thank you Dr. Rosmaita! This has made my vag some kind of superhero. I'm not shooting ping pong balls out of her or opening bottles of beer, but it's a hearty handshake for any lucky cock and I think has had a profound effect on my orgasmability.

Perhaps a contributing factor was developing consciousness of this vaginal sensation at an early age, and then continuing to practice periodically throughout the years. It's not like I was some staunch piss interrupter, I like the relief of a good solid stream just like anybody. If you are interested in a place to start, and are out of touch with the ability to contract and tighten these specific "pelvic floor" muscles, start the way the good Doc had me start, and you will begin to feel and isolate this muscle. Then you can carry it out of the bathroom, thus beginning a life long secret workout that can be performed anywhere!

Men can benefit, too. It may help to combat premature ejaculation. (thank god) It may increase the hardness of their dick. (hurray!) Supposedly, control of this muscle allows men to experience the sensation of ejaculation -the shot is shunted into the bladder and reabsorbed- and stay hard for more loving. (right on) Also, if you've ever had a guy perform an internal cockdance (anybody remember Judy Blume's book "Wifey"?) they are using this muscle just as you do when you squeeze the shit out of their sausage.

I think it is an amazing self arousal technique. I have actually experienced orgasm this way combining Kegels with an intense, fresh fantasy. At church, only kidding! And, it's nice to do during foreplay to help focus the energy.

Every time, and I mean every time, I start talking about Kegels, all the girls start doing them. It's like smiling at someone or yawning, it's contagious. The first lady will admit to it then everybody will laugh and say they were doing them, too! Did you start when you began to realize the subject of this post? I was doing them the whole time, too.

I welcome and invite your comments. If you have any questions or would like me to address a certain subject, feel free to email or comment. Don't worry, I won't expose your freaky nature, you may remain anonymous.
Please read the sidebar regarding private consultation and contact me for an appointment.

Monday, November 26, 2007

The Healing Power of a Juicy Twat

I recently spent some time with a cousin, John, a spiritual tattoo artist and piercer. His shop is called Dramatic Paws and is located in Cobleskill, NY. We got to talking and you know how it is with me, talk usually takes a turn to the nether regions and the activity located downtown. John was talking about genital piercings. That afternoon, I helped him hold a girl's nipples as he pierced them. A first for me.

John made an interesting observation over the considerable time that he has been performing this service. Men who get genitally pierced and are in monogamous sexual relationships with women heal faster, even those that begin to have sex before the recommended elapsed time for health. He really didn't know the reason but his theory was that the couples have bio-rhythmically synced immune activity from living in close proximity and somehow one helps the other heal. He came to this conclusion because this phenomena was not observed in recently pierced men who screwed the same number of times, with different women, therefore, he believed, dipping the stick in just anybody will not have the same benefits.

I think he has a point, but I was thinking about this long and hard and I believe there are more factors than propinquity at work in this observed situation.

Factor One: The vag has a bunch of healing properties in it's juices. Basically, it's made up of immunoglobins and fructose. That's right, every time those musicians wrote songs about your pussy and called it a sugar bowl, or a honeypot, or a sweet and juicy peach, (Sheena Easton even had a song about her sugarwalls, no?) they were right on. Secreted from the cervix and the vaginal walls are all these proteins and enzymes that help reduce inflammation, grow new cells, and speed the transport of sperm. There is viscous mucus that locks away bad sperm and even -scientists are studying this now-trap and isolate viruses. wow.

Factor Two: If a couple is in a long term relationship, at some point, the woman will be on the Pill and her man will stop wearing condoms. Does fooling the body into thinking it is pregnant change or even boost the chemistry of her cervical and vaginal fluid, her CVF? CVF is an actual term! Women collect their own CVF for scientific labs using some kind of straw and pipette! a pipette! so feminine.

Factor Three: A pregnant women's CVF is jam packed with "grow cell" goodness as some amniotic fluid is said to leak from the cervix and enter the vagina in addition to the fluids normally produced. Excuse me while I gag a little. I would expect it to heal a piercing faster if it can feed and grow a full human. Plus, nobody's wearing condoms if you're already knocked up! I mean, in a committed life long loving relationship.

Factor Four: I don't know about everybody, but if you are recently pierced and having sex with multiple partners you would usually wear a condom (i hope) thus putting a barrier between your hurting cock and those healing juices -even if the strange lady is on the Pill- also eliminating factor two's "fooled pregnancy" benefits (maybe she's still on it hoping for that next long term buddy, or to manage her monthly bloodbath, or in case that master lock through this dude's cock head tears open the free lifestyles she's been carrying around, at least she has a backup method, smart girl).

Factor Five: Saliva can help heal a wound. The journal of the American Dental Association says "Secretory leukocyte inhibitor, or SLPI can be found in fluids that bathe the mucosal surfaces such as saliva, bronchial fluids, and cervical fluids. It also has anti-inflammatory, anti-viral, anti-fungal, and anti-bacterial properties. In recent years, National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research investigators have demonstrated that SLPI found in saliva blocks HIV-1 infection." Steady girlfriends usually suck dick, too.

Factor Six: The single straight men I know usually develop cleaner hygiene habits when living with or having regular sex with a woman. They might be taking better care of their freshly stabbed genitals. They shower and wash because she won't suck fetid balls. She's got self esteem, people! And, as it turns out, super powerful cunt-a-lishousness.

Don't try to heal your lovers herpes, and please don't shove a kitchen-knife-cut finger into your love canal and expect spontaneous ET like results. You're not a superhero, but you are amazing.

I invite your comments and I am available for private consultation.