Friday, September 5, 2008

Ahhhh I love the Wood.

I am starting to think about wood. Size, sensitivity, hardness, age, refractory periods, holding back orgasm, spilling the seed, obesity, medications, all things related to wood. The amazing staff of life, (sorry bread, but woman cannot live on you alone) it's many shapes and sizes. The curves that scratch the insatiable itch.

Size: Does it matter? a big Yes is probably the most honest answer, but having a small dick doesn't inhibit orgasm for your partner. The size and quality of your self esteem has a bigger effect than your dick size. I have found that smaller dicks are more sensitive (see sensitivity below) -and they are easier to blow. Smaller dicks fit perfectly in your mouth and don't take hours to reach orgasm. They don't hurt your jaw muscles after hours of sucking. They still rub you raw after hours of fucking, and are far more comfortable when shoved up the asshole. So there, big cocked guys, the little masters of the less endowed enjoy pleasures you may never know.

Sensitivity: It stands to reason that smaller dicks are more sensitive. The same number of nerve endings, on average, because every human is different, are spread across the area space of the flesh of the cock. I knew a guy with a super huge dick -didn't know him in the biblical sense- that would complain to me how long it took him to come because he was not that sensitive. This sensitivity could also a bad thing for that smaller cocked man. If it takes the woman they are screwing a long time to come, and if their dick is very sensitive, perhaps they cannot hold out long enough, and might come before she does leading to some level of disappointment.

This leads us to...

Hardness: I have found that the more a man is physically active on a regular basis, following a physical practice that is demanding -yoga, martial arts, basketball, running, cycling, hockey, weight lifting- the harder his dick becomes. I think this can be attributed to the presence of male hormones that are activated by the stress placed on the body. Testosterone is being released in a timely, predictable manner. And I think these physical activities assist in maintaining circulation of the blood which in turn increases the amount of blood able to flow into the cock. Whatever the physical reason, there is nothing better than a hard cock no matter what size.

Age: Well, it happens to us all if we are lucky enough to live a long time. Age and the depletion of the production of hormones allows for a softer dick that may not experience orgasm every time it fucks. This is okay for the ladies, just an ironic role reversal. Now we want it every night, and our men are nervous and embarrassed about their ability to perform -will I get hard, will it stay, how will it feel, will I be able to do it again if I don't satisfy her the first time?

Wait a minute...we're about to address the...

Refractory period: is way, way longer now if you do get off. So, you won't be able to fuck again for a while if you do give into the big release. Age and hormones really affect this ability, this feeling that you could go again and again, the feeling that you thought would never leave, has now left with the glow of youth.

Holding Back Orgasm: This taoist practice is said to decrease the refractory period, increase the sensation of orgasm, steal the energy of the woman you are with and deliver her youth and vitality-her "jing"- to you (but only if she orgasms, of course, there is always a catch). This practice claims to build the energy that might otherwise be lost and contain it in the body and mind allowing a man to focus on complicated tasks or to reach levels of enlightenment that might not otherwise be possible in a human that is dissipating this orgasmic energy at every opportunity. Some can do this after much practice using the Kegel muscles to contract at the point of orgasm, some simply apply pressure to the "taint"at that special moment thus stopping the flow of juicy goo and absorbing that goodness again and again.

Spilling the seed: Nothing like a final release, right? Especially after a nice cheap massage. Premature ejaculation is another issue. You need a very patient woman and practice, practice, practice to build stamina and resistance to coming. Plus, during the training time -cue Rocky movie theme music, da na nah, da na naah- the premature quick-draw-McGraw must have other skills to rely on so that this mate is motivated to help him and not a frustrated mess. (see fingerblasting post and cunnilingus post for some tips)

Obesity: Lose 20 pounds, gain an inch of cock length, I've been told. I think this works for two reasons. First, an optical illusion; remove flab around your midsection and all of a sudden that inch that has been tucked away is exposed. Second, now that you are skinnier, you can shove yourself -even your whole body- closer to your lady without "carmichael-ing" her and give her a little more wood than your fatter alter ego could deliver. Thirdly, if you are losing weight, chances are you are exercising and eating right -see hardness entry above- increasing the amount of blood that can flow into the cock.

Medications: Ahh... the dreaded medically enforced erectile dysfunction. It's better than being dead, right? Listen guys, now is the time, and might I add it is never too late, to work on your fingerblasting techniques and cunnilingus expertise. Your cock will not always be there to rely on, you must diversify your assets to make yourself a good sexual investment. Your hands though, will always be hard, and your mouth will always be suckibly soft. A nice balance and two of the best substitutes for the beautiful contradic(k)tory soft-to-the-touch and hard-for-the-plunge dick. Then there is the other side of the medication coin. Instead of prescriptions that keep someone healthy but lead to a soft dick, the viagra pill, which I have no experience with yet but I am sure in the future I will know the power and benefits of this little magic pill, give the otherwise wood challenged a stiff knob. What fun! Is it? I've heard of marathon sessions, rubbed raw cocks and crotches, trips to the emergency room, hooker's charging by the hour...Does anyone have any anecdotes related to this experience they want to share?

Curves: When I was in college, my room mate's boyfriend's nickname was "J" for the way his dick turned when erect. This name was given to him by his friends, not his girlfriend. I often wondered, how did they know which way his erect dick meandered? Boys, do tell, do you catch a gander at all your friends wood? My room mate loved it. Especially, she said, when they did it "crosswise" you know, the position where she was laying on her back, and he on his side, so his dick rubbed her g spot perfectly. Or she'd spin perpendicular (no pun intended) on top to get the right angle, her shoulder and the side of her body facing his front. Some guys are lucky to have their dick curve up -making missionary a perfecto position- and some dicks curve down, making, you guessed it, doggie style the preferred position for ultimate vaginal stimulation. Have no fear, if your dick is straight and true, you are best fitted for all positions -anal too- you just have to work out a little extra aiming, moving your whole body to get at a certain zone. Just pick a position, point and go.

If you're looking for me, I'll be camping in the woods...


  1. An interesting female perspective Karen, an ex of mine did once say that size matters, but not in the way I thought she initially meant.
    She informed me, in hushed whispering tones, after one particularly romantic and carnal afternoon that;
    “we fit together so well”
    I immediately knew what she meant.
    We were proportioned together so well, a “snug fit” Emma would often call it.
    I have had lovers since where that just wasn’t the case-I guess through subtle but notable differences -perhaps as a result of child birth? I don’t honestly know.
    Such “good fits” are then, in my humble opinion, a major bonus for any couple.
    Ivan, England.

  2. There are other ways of preventing premature ejaculation but having a strong PC muscle is the most important so you should start performing these exercises immediately. Not only will this improve your stamina and sexual performance, it will also allow you to control when you ejaculate so that you can last for hours in bed.