Female Ejaculation

I have been thinking a lot about female ejaculation lately. I've actually been thinking about it for a long time. Way, way back when I was 21 I wrote this song called "(I never need a john when I'm) Feeling On and part of the lyrics read, "i can't ejaculate but honey I can cream" (it goes on)..."i don't make no excuse / it ain't like what it seems / cause i never need a john when i'm 'Feeling On'". Then I started thinking, "... I do ejaculate, but I can't write that because everyone will know my dirty little secret". So, I had to ask myself, what was that thing that was going on ...if girls were not supposed to do that?

Recently, I began researching this phenomena. I started because I was freaked out by the amount I was producing, a little used to be okay but what was this bursting? I think that for myself...I really wanted to know if it was piss. I was a little put off by thinking that I was pissing everywhere. Is it better that I know now that it isn't piss? That it is a big puddle of "something else"? (same stuff found in a prostate, plus other fluids) YES, but Not Really because it wasn't like I was going to stop doing it, stop feeling it, even if it was piss. Never the less, it's a hot and messy scene regardless of the ingredients . And anyway, I just had to know.

I conducted amateur research starting in Portland OR, 1995. It all began with an angled, weird, square vibe. A shoulder massager that came with with hard flat plastic nubbin snap on/off surface (several to choose from!). It was square, did I mention this? I think it merits reminding. It was supposed to be used for shoulders and neck. You'd hang it on your shoulder and apply pressure by pulling down. I bought it from a door-to-door salesman one day at work. I was working at the time in a sex toy shop, I could have had any vibe in town, but this one had power. Plus, I discovered, what pulls down must pull up and I inadvertently discovered the phenomena of female ejaculation. When I used that thing in the only way I could, because the angle was so acute, it pin pointed my gush button.

Female Prostate, G-Spot, Skene Glands, Clitoris.

Had I found the female prostate from the outside or was it just hugging the base of the clit that produced this reaction? Stimulating it with a press and lift most always led to some sort of gushing. This I discovered was a precursor orgasm to a mind blowing clit, vag, and anal orgasm. All my parts would contract. For some time...then continue for a few minutes, like surprises shudders. The residual spasms reminded me of when a horse itches, how it looks as it shakes its skin. Startling almost. I started counting them, then I stopped counting.

So, the ejaculation was not the end of the show. As it is for men, there was perhaps a refractory period that "reset" the clock of vaginal orgasm, but I didn't have to stop, it was like an event on this masturbation time line. Sometimes the gush was enough of an orgasm for that session and that would be that. Just for health. It was then that I started to believe that this ejaculation reduced pre-menstrual symptoms such as bloating.

It seemed if I didn't "express" myself, the orgasms were a lot more focused specifically in one zone, clit or vag. They were still good, but not the motherlode. Also, I found during sex, if the cock (or the dildo/vibe) didn't get shot out or squeezed out by the force of these experiences, I could feel bloated and pained, like something physical is being kept in. And if you hold it in, it's not like it's still there waiting for the moment of freedom, like the levee breaks and the river runs it's banks, the event happens and either you let it out in that moment, or it goes away, sometimes painfully. So, I would either shift positions, or keep going for a while to see what will happen, and eventually the pain would go away and the feeling would change as it does during any sexual session. Did it just seep out around the cock or is the pain is related to not having the freedom of a good flush? Was it re-absorbed, re-directed?

They say the female prostate is a bundle of nervy like strands (I picture them like marbling in meat) that surround the urethra and run towards the base of the clit and can be stimulated by pressure in the vagina if you push up to the front side of that luscious tube. Where the G-spot is said to reside. Thus, the confusion for the experts. In my experience I think the female prostate area is best stimulated by a vibrator pulling and held, pushing and held, against the base of the clit from the front side. That first vibe, the weird one, was the best at getting the perfect angle and pull position. Happily, I burned out the motor on that vibe and threw it out. That is why I love the Hitachi Magic Wand. It makes up in power and speed for what it lacks in straight edges, angles and torque. The angled one had the added benefit of being adjusted to pop onto clit duty when a change or reset was needed. The magic wand is like that too, mobile, versatile, but less specific.

Or was that vibrator angle just stimulating the Skene glands? The Skene glands, I think could possibly play their own part too, but the proof is sketchy. Is it the same as the prostate, what do Skene glands do?

Wikipedia entry on the skene glands: the Skene's glands (also known as the lesser vestibular, periurethral glands, or paraurethral glands[1]) are glands located on the upper wall of the vagina, around the lower end of the urethra. They drain into the urethra and near the urethral opening. These glands are surrounded by tissue, which includes the part of the clitoris that reaches up inside the vagina and swells with blood during sexual arousal. There is some evidence that nerves in the area produce an orgasm different to one produced by clitoral stimulation.[citation needed]

Citation needed is RIGHT! I feel like they are related somehow to the expulsion because they direct fluid into the urethra and then it is passed out. But my experience sometimes feels a little different, like the skene glands themselves release the fluid, sometimes through the urethra, sometimes it feels like it is being carried out of the glands themselves, a feeling that it comes more from the vagina than urethra.

I think the G-spot is another bundle of nerves that contributes to the mindblower trifecta orgasm experience, maybe even connecting the two parts, the vaginal canal and clit. Maybe it's like the sensitive spot at the underside of a guys head, it contributes as a bundle of nerves does to sensation, but is not wholly responsible for a particular type of orgasm. Maybe it is the underside of the Skene glands or another side of the prostate and when stimulated from the inside gives a different sensation. Anybody out there have any ideas, opinions?

My impression is that these glands are like nerves that secrete fluid and send electronic messages to each other. If you have a vibe on your clit, dipping into the prostate, a vibe in your sheath, pressing up to your g-spot, love in your heart and smutty thoughts, you should come like a fountain.

If you don't, so what? Try again and don't sweat it.

Future subjects: Kegel Anecdotes

titty fuck

There should be more titty fucking to orgasm. Oftentimes, in this world, titty fucking is just a naughty stop along the way and not very respected as the whole beautiful experience that it is. I think this is because- with the exception of july and august in NYC , titties are not that lubed and slippery. Ladies, your mouth is right there, I suggest licking the knob a couple of times and painting a line of saliva between your tits as lube to get started, then as the titties are being fucked, lick the tip of the cock and let it carry saliva down to your now slippery slide-y cleavage that cock loves so well!

What I enjoy about the titty fuck is that I get to squeeze my tits together and they look so big, and even when they don't go all the way around (a nice big cock) that they still look voluptuous and feel supported. Also, that a cock is sliding toward my mouth rhythmically and I get to lick it as it comes close, like a game, a dream, it's a fun time. Sometimes I like to catch it with my chin and squeeze the head. I like the way the cock feels hard on my chest bones.

And unpredictable! Nobody knows where that come is going to land. It's like the lottery. What's it going to be...pearl necklace, facial, buried in the folds of those tits, belly....anything can happen at the end of this event. For most sex acts jism has it's destination laid out for it, so to speak. It's nice, the added anticipation.

It reminds me of being young when guys tried to shove their dicks anywhere you would let them. Plus, you can't get pregnant.

Fuel for Orgasm: Fantasy

Okay, I've heard it, and must do something about it. Lots of women telling me they can't orgasm or masturbate. They feel "stupid" or "lose it" once they start touching themselves. But I can't sit back and let it go on, world peace is basically at stake here, or at least the happiness of men and women! There are reasons for this all-too-common reaction, but the solution is easy, and it just takes practice and imagination.

First, get over yourself and get into yourself.
Clear your schedule, turn off your phone, get a babysitter. Stop thinking about what you are "about to be" doing. Have some wine, relax with a nice toke, whatever it takes to get your mind wandering. Get naked, walk around your room or apartment, stand in front of your mirror and just touch yourself -all over- don't focus on the famous spots or go for the gusto too soon. Let your body relax and breathe. Let your thoughts play out through all the minutia in your life. Don't get stuck there, the operative words are "play out" just think and if you have to, write important things down for later so you don't have the pressure to remember those great ideas you just had. Now you are relaxed and ready for the next stage.

Fantasy time.
To build your library of fantasies, you must start with just one, the first of an ever revolving entertainment database for orgasm. Don't judge anything that comes into your mind. Fantasies are FREAKY and they are allowed to be. No one ever has to know about your real masturbation fantasies unless you tell them. Even then, if your special sweetie wants to know and you don't want to tell, lie and fabricate a "normal" fantasy. Go ahead, tell me I shouldn't promote lies and secrets in relationships, but most people I know would rather have a lying, orgasmic girlfriend than an honest pre-orgasmic frustrated girlfriend.

Vibrators.
Not all women can get off without vibrators. A good thing is that if you practice enough and get off regularly with your vibrators, eventually you may not need them sometimes. You will have developed good habits and sensitivity for orgasm and knowledge of what your body needs at the right time to experience this pleasure, sans tools. A vibrator will never "deaden" your sensitivity or leave you unable to enjoy sex with another person. I believe that vibrators enhance the sexual experience with another person, takes the pressure off your significant other to get you where you want to go, and increases the likelihood of orgasm for you, what could be better?

I suggest a four piece package. For the clit, the amazing "magic wand" from Hitachi. It's about $50 online but totally worth it. I haven't even put it to the second level, I'm STILL on the low setting. Sex therapist Betty Dodson suggests using a dry cotton washcloth or some layer of cloth (I used to use it on the outside of my underwear when I first got it) for first timers because it is quite a great tool. It is powerful, it plugs into the wall.

For vaginal penetration, two different vibes are suggested, first a plain hard plastic type of vibrator that is not shaped like a dick or anything, just smooth and fat, like 2 1/2 - 3 inches is a good, big, hard, smooth vibrator. The second, the "Rabbit". Yes, it is intimidating, it is scary, getting that little buzzing nugget where you want her and at the same time easing that twirling vibe into the vageen take some practice. You shouldn't start with these two straight out for your first time, but they are essentials for your progression. You will want them pretty fast if you are not a stone virgin.

The last vibe you need is for anal penetration and that can be a slim hard plastic or a curved number, maybe get both and see if the curve is for you. Sometimes the curve simply makes it easier to insert it when you are laying down with all the other tools you have hanging out and drilling in and pressing against.

Action.
Okay, you've got a hot storyline cooking in your head and your tools are out and ready for action. I start with clit stimulation first when still fantasizing. Get the hard plastic guy going on your clit, then lay down and move to the magic wand on the clit, (it's harder to move around with the wand as it is plugged into the wall, I have an extension chord to make it more mobile, but by now you should be ready to be fucked anyway) then insert the rabbit -if it is feeling like a rabbit day, or jam on that hard fattie -if it is that kind of day, or go right for the anus (with a generous helping of lube) if that is what you crave, whatever goes with the hot storyline you are imagining. I like to be almost ready, on the verge of vaginal or clitoral orgasm before I go for the anal insertion. It's a great combination, and terrific separate as well. Variety is good. Remember to change the fantasy if it isn't working anymore, getting you hotter, just shift to another. In the beginning it is good to have a few plots in reserve for moments when our mind wanders to the mundane and you have lost that "fantasizing" feeling. Adjust your vibes, change position, change combinations and return to your fantasy when thoughts of people or stressful life events invade your mind.

Persevere.
If you don't get off right away, take a break, breathe, relax, eat something, touch yourself all over, and start the fantasy process again. There can never be failure, just learning. You are that much more experienced than you were before you began. Masturbation is an ongoing learning experience so don't put any stress on yourself to succeed immediately or every time.

Need more info, assistance, support, advice?
I am available for consultations in New York City and the surrounding metropolitan area if you want assistance in shopping for your vibes or advice on how to use them, as well as troubleshooting masturbation difficulties and obstacles. As an official disclaimer, I am not a doctor, a nurse or any member of the medical profession. Just experienced, trustworthy, kind , helpful and open. Normal. To contact me, email karenduffy1@gmail.com or call 917 447 6000.

Three Essentials for Health

Breathe deeply, sweat profusely, orgasm daily.
I have found over the course of practicing this routine that it has a profound effect on personal health and happiness.

Breathe Deeply:
This may appear to be a no-brainer. Of course we all breathe, everyday, involuntarily. There is a difference though, in breathing voluntarily and be careful, you might just pass out. Don't, please, that is not part of the recommended routine. But do, please, try this. Stand up, breath in through your nose, stretch your arms up, link your hands over your head, hold your breath, pull your arms from side to side to open up your trunk, pop those linked hands behind your head, exhale the held breath, open up your chest by pulling your elbows and shoulders back, breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth, drop your arms and relax your body, shake out all tension, even in your stomach and start to fill your lungs slowly and deeply. Concentrate on your body below your belly button and let it flop out a little, fill that space with air, open your ribcage, fill that space with air, roll your shoulders as you breathe and fill that space with air, tilt your head from side to side and stretch your neck as you breathe. Relax into a comfortable position, seated, standing or laying down and breathe. Keep your mind alert and focus on deep breaths, no napping, yet. Fantasizing? Okay. This deep breathing will assist with the third component of the three essentials for health.

Sweat Profusely:
It erases facial wrinkles. Really, they start to disappear. I am not a doctor or health professional and do not know specifically why this is, perhaps the flow of energy, of sweat, coursing through the skin, perhaps the replacement of cells, the regeneration of the body as it metabolizes, it stands to reason that the skin must replace itself and this is the only explanation I can offer for this benefit. The more you sweat, the easier it is to sweat. By working up a sweat in whatever manner you choose, lifting weights, running, swimming, trampoline, martial arts, walking, bicycling, you are keeping yourself alive. Literally. Microbiologist Lynn Margulis says "Metabolism, the incessant chemistry of self maintenance, is an essential feature of life...Through ceaseless metabolism, through chemical and energy flow, life continuously produces, repairs, and perpetuates itself. Only cells, and organisms composed of cells, metabolize." Drink water and sweat it out. Body awareness is a developed skill. If you are sweating you will be more aware of parts of your body and more able to relax and tense muscles, and to feel in tune with your physical being. This physical facet also contributes to a healthy experience of the third component of the three essentials.

Orgasm:
By yourself, at least once daily. If you can get it again with another person, all the more orgasmic power to you. For humanity, this means so much. Masturbation is one of my favorite past-times. It made me a better lover, more orgasmic with another person, more satisfied in my sex life and more confident about sex. More, more, more! Orgasmic, satisfied, confident. Who want to be less orgasmic, less satisfied, less confident? Plus, I know that it has health benefits. I have no medical proof yet, but I know. In an article in about.com's healing section, contributor Chandi Devi writes "Frequent and powerful orgasms increase the level of the orgasm hormone, oxytocin. The oxytocin level is linked to the personality, passion, social skills and emotional quotient (EQ), all of which affects career, marriage, emotions and social life. Orgasms are very beneficial for sexual health because they empower our pituitary (brain function)." So there you go. I believe masturbation and orgasm, especially for our poor sex starved sisters out there, can lead to profound changes in women's lives, and exponentially, the people with whom they share their lives.

Start today, tonight, tomorrow, but try this three fold daily routine. If you can knock down all three in one session, that is perfection. Not only will you affect your own health and happiness, but if you are feeling good, the people around you will benefit.

Future post topics include:
Fantasy and Arousal
Tools and Toys
Sexual Technique and Timing