Hurray for Mirena!

Today I got my IUD inserted. This morning, just a few hours ago, and I feel great. A little cramping upon insertion, but I rode my bike home afterward and feel totally normal and fine.

Now I have 5 years of the best birth control money can buy and a lot less to worry about. They say my periods will regulate over the next year and could stop altogether (hopefully). I always liked getting my period, because the alternative was too horrible to think about. It was a reassuring pain in the ass. At least I knew I was NOT pregnant if I was on the rag. Now I will have to trust my little R2D2 friend, the vaginal squid that battles sperm and all it's potential.
I have a feeling that I won't miss Aunt Flo's visits from Redbank too much.

Many monogamous women I know are choosing this IUD option for birth control. Some non-monogamous women I know have it too and I wonder if it is very very tempting not to use condoms, or is the fear of disease enough to motivate condom use? It will be for me. For now -at this moment, week, month?? I am monogamous, and if I choose to bang a new man, I'm definatly wrapping that sausage.

Horny, horny women and their sexual peak, part two

The "horny horny women and their sexual peak" post was quite popular. Apparently, this phenomena is just another of women's sexual experiences that we as a society consider a dirty little secret. I guess it's what made Mrs. Robinson from "the Graduate" such a controversial figure? Here are some comments I received, would love to hear how anyone would reply to the last fellow who is grappling with his wife's horny nature.

anonymous #1
Thanks for this post. I am realizing now that I've hit my sexual peak, even though my boyfriend tells me that it's at age 40. I just turned 30. I have suddenly had the urge to literally fuck all of my male co-workers. I'm glad I'm not alone in all of this.
I've been fucking my boyfriend 3 times a day and feel this great urge to make a baby. I will be reading your journal more often.

The thing that strikes me about this comment is that her lucky boyfriend is getting it 3 times a day and still has the balls to say she isn't hitting some kind of sexual peak? Perhaps she hasn't peaked, I understand, things could get wilder, better, she'll get more confident, she is just starting this phase, but that she feels something and he denies it makes my hackles go up. Maybe -in addition to the hormonal surge- she wants to fuck her co-workers because they respect her? Okay, perhaps that isn't the case, he may be simply ignorant, like the rest of the world, about this and maybe wants to let her know that it's just going to get BETTER! I would definitely say this falls under the fertile/baby making category. Listen Honey, don't get fooled by your body into motherhood if you don't want it, or are not ready, a child is yours FOREVER. But have fun with your horniness. I think it makes a woman feel beautiful, charismatic, and sexy.

Oh, and by the way, I was reminded of a moment in my life the other day and it occurred to me that it was probably the onset of my "sexual peak" phase. I was 30, yes 30 like the woman above, walking down 14th street in Manhattan, thinking about a guy I knew from Europe; I had just moved back to NYC. I was just thinking of what he would be doing that time of day, drinking tea, or whatever. It was not even a sexually charged fantasy when my nipples got HARD, both of them, and as they rubbed against my shirt I had a full-body-sensation-orgasm walking down the street. It was as if I was not even in control of this body. It took me by surprise (a pleasant surprise) and I have never been able to recreate that moment. (yes, I've tried). So, I think 30 might be some official start, like adolescence may start physically changing girls at 10, but for some not until 12 or 14, or even 16, right? Next comment.

anonymous #2
Just found this site when I was searching the web for "women's sexual peak." I am almost 44 yrs old and ever since I turned 40, I have been horny all the time. I was horny in my late teens-20's, basically almost 0 in my 30s, and now, WOW! And it seems to be getting more intense. I masturbate almost daily since my lover is in another state. I have been trying really hard not to place an ad online looking for a FWB situation. I see men on the street and want to do it right there with them. Thank goodness for some wonderful toys I have been experimenting with. Too bad they don't come with warm bodies.
-she continues-
I'm not so sure that the sexual peak has anything to do with my biological clock. My "child" is 21yrs old and I'm 44. I've always been sexual, having started sex as a young teen. I've always had a good sexual life and always enjoyed it. I've had great partners. But about 2 yrs ago, I noticed, and in fact, I think my partner noticed before I did--that I wanted and NEEDED sex more often. It has since intensified and all I want to do is get off. I want to fuck everybody--men and women, all day and night. I think about it all the time, no matter what I'm doing. I have no intentions of having or feelings for wanting another child at all--instead, I feel liberated that my kid is an adult right now.

I love this post. The woman is also taking it into her own hands (or toys) which I love. For me, just the fantasy of a warm body is enough sometimes, who needs the actual person? Also, I am ignorant of these abbreviations...what is a FWB situation? Let me know...
The mistake is that she thinks the horniness is some kind of desire, conscious or otherwise, to have kids when I simply refer to the ovulation process being amped. I have no desire for children either, but am still horny horny horny. I actually think it is a cruel twist for us ladies who love the freedom of unmotherhood, that we are so horny at a time when it is so easy for us to conceive. As far as her not feeling horny in her 30's, I have heard that having kids, and their related baggage, ie. responsibility (work more to make money to provide), care taking (bathe feed and clothe the little one), affection (they love you and crawl all over you, drooling, crying, laughing, jumping, enough physically activity to satisfy any affection level) care giving (you love them, hold them, bandage wounds, develop their lives, pick out schools, take them to music lessons, etc.) these parental duties really have a way of taking the focus off of oneself and depositing it onto the child. This woman was around 23 when she had a child, so the bulk of rearing the kid happened in her 30's. She may have been pumping out the best fertile eggs during those years, but fatigue of child rearing and focusing on a little one's life could have acted as an antidote to horniness. Once she felt she was done, "liberated" that is, her child is 21 and all grown up, her horniness flourished! hurray!! !! seems normal and natural to me.

anonymous #3
Thanks for the honesty ladies. Has this urge subsided any? Seems my wife is/was going through this. It started when she was around 30 and now she's 36 how much longer will she have this urge? BTW, I understand when you see someone attractive, you might take a double look, but as you ladies say you want to screw just about every guy you see. Also, any tips to fulfill her fantasies while in this sexual peak would be greatly appreciated. FYI, we've always been a sexually charged couple and I don't consider are sex life "dull".

Well, the urge has not subsided for me. And as you can read above, the woman who is 44 is just starting to feel this (well, at 40 years she started to feel it), so I think you are perhaps in for a longer haul than a short horny ride.
First:
Get her good sex toys and give her plenty of privacy to use them. (see earlier posts regarding good vibes) She can take the edge off by masturbating and fantasizing about who she wants to fuck. DAILY. She should do this in addition to screwing you.
Second:
Do it whenever and wherever. Be ready if you need condoms for protection, and go at it in different places, at different times. Sometimes just service her orally or manually (see fingerblasting post, or cunnilingus post)
Third:
If you don't already, then use vibrators in your sex acts to enhance her pleasure. The "hitachi magic wand" on the clit IS magic during intercourse, and as some women have confided, they don't get off in the same way without it.
Fourth:
Consider a threesome. Maybe screwing one of the guys she wants to, and you at the same time, will also calm the beast. Or maybe like the lady above, her horniness extends to an interest in ladies? I can understand how that may not appeal if you are married and want to keep the sexual relationship private, but a suggestion nonetheless. Perhaps you know a friendly couple looking for a switch-a-roo and then you all win.
Fifth:
Alter your appearance if possible. Grow your hair, cut your hair, grow a beard, shave your beard. Your chameleon like ways will fuel her "I am with the Xerox repairman tonight" fantasy and may make you more dynamic to her as you are not the same old guy, night after night.
Sixth:
Change your sexual pattern. If you are finding that you do it in the same way all the time, like a "by the bases" foreplay scenario- kiss kiss, squeeze a boobie, rub the twat, stick it in- you may want to mix it up.
Seventh:
Maybe this should have been the first suggestion, but have an honest discussion about her orgasmic ways. Is she getting off when she is with you? What could you do to facilitate this? Leggo your ego, if you know what I mean. Even if she's been faking for ten years, better to find out and change your ways then lose someone you love.

a revealing story....

A friend sent this story to me.....

A professor at University of Minnesota was giving a lecture
on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical
students.

Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided
to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you
know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'

The professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the class.

push and pull

Is sex just about domination and submission on varying levels? Each person in the act takes one of these roles in either a dynamic or subtle way. Is there any way to separate the act from the feeling of taking and being taken? Is that part of the orgasmic release? The surrender to the "little death" is submitting to the control of the other person and therefore brings on the release of orgasm, or controlling the other person and demanding surrender brings on the release for the initiator? Every time and in every moment during sex the roles switch according to mood and moment, but is this element ever absent?

Because one is penetrating and one is being penetrated automatically sets up a dynamic that indicates power. In all sex acts there is some form of penetration, I cannot think of one act that does not involve a probing or a sucking indicating penetration. Even nipple sucking! The tit is in the mouth, penetrating. I wonder how many times I can think about penetration before I get off myself?

I used to ask people what their favorite sexual position was in order to get a glimpse of their personality. If they liked it missionary, on top, from behind, standing.... I always found that this was a good way to break the ice and learn something about another person without asking typical questions like their astrological sign or the mundane details of their lives. It's also a nice way to see if they fit with how your domination/submission feeling is at the moment. If you are feeling like a cowgirl who wants to pony up and ride that bronco top style, you don't want the man who answers, "doggie style, every time, baby".

Horny, horny women and their sexual peak

It happened to me when I turned 32. Suddenly, after a very happy 10 years of monogamous marriage I wanted to have sex with EVERY man I saw. This was a confusing time because I didn't love my husband any less, or want our relationship to end, so what was up with this new, raging drive to screw everyone I met?

At first I thought that it was some kind of "seven year itch" a few years late and I was lucky in my relationship for the extra years and it would pass. When I would discuss this with women even a few years younger than me they would say nice things like "yeah I get horny too" but never with the gusto that I believed this particular feeling engendered.

I harkened back to a story I heard from a lesbian friend of mine who said that once she turned a certain 30-ish age, she wanted to have sex with men for the first time in her life. She took this as a maternal signal, thinking "if I want to fuck guys, I must want to have a baby". Her biological clock's alarm had sounded, she did wind up screwing a guy and had a lovely child. Good ending to the story. But what about me, one with no maternal desire for a child? I would not be fooled by my body to procreate!

So, I channeled this desire into, oooh my lucky husband, and into a masturbation practice featuring all the men I would like to fondle. I even made a "DoW" list, my "divorced or widowed" list of men I would screw, in a certain order. In case one of these scenarios became a reality, I would be ready.

This feeling has persisted for the last 5 years, even gained a little ground I must admit, so I had to find out. I decided to research this "women's sexual peak" phenomena.

Turns out, it is the age of the body. An onset of perfect baby making chemicals and physical environment, after years of practice, has reached it's peak. These are the years to reproduce. When girls are 12 or 14 or so, not every ovulation cycle releases an egg. It's sporadic, gaining momentum and then leveling out in cycles. Hitting strides for certain blocks of years as you age. At thirty -ish, every cycle produces and releases an egg, they are present, ripe and active thus sending the horny message to your primitive brain to fuck every bull in the herd. Every month the body wants to fulfill it's hormonal message. Hurray for contraceptives! Then, less and less eggs are released as you get older. Until, kaput. Only on the egg making, I hope we keep the libido.

So, I'm wondering when this peak will end? Or does it have to?

Say it ain't So, or Use it or Lose it?

Recently I was talking to an older friend, a woman in her 70's who said that all the men she had dated, since she was in her 60's were unable to achieve an erection. Perhaps it had to do with medications they were taking, but she and her female friends were still interested in sex, but unable to find a man that could perform.

For men, one of the worst things to face, I'm sure, is a limp dick. It's hard for the ladies, too. Okay, pun was intended. Unfortunately, it's not hard for the ladies....

Is it that they did not maintain a healthy sexual daily practice, masturbating and working that tool? Too often this practice -especially in this older generation- was looked upon as unnecessary if a person was in a relationship. The battle cry upon discovery of porn, or walking in on an actual jack off session was the accusation that the spouse was not enough for the masturbater, that somehow the spouse had failed if their honey had to squeeze it themselves. Perhaps this is true in some fashion, but in reality, everyone needs some private time to exorcise those demons, those fantasies that have nothing to do with one's partner are sometimes best left for private moments.

Is it a lack of exercise that has led to this epidemic? Men's compromised cardiovascular health perhaps has interrupted blood flow to this most important organ. Unfortunately, most American women stop exercising after they graduate high school, for men it's college. If men and women knew what they were sacrificing, do you think they would make more time for exercise? After working for most of their lives, people want to retire and have time for all that they sacrificed during their working years. Be active and spend more time with their spouse, and doing it, I'm sure is part of that plan. Most everyone knows how important it is to save money for retirement, how about saving your body for retirement?

And what about the ladies and the dreaded vaginal atrophy? The Mayo Clinic's recommendation under the heading Prevention states:

"Regular sexual activity, either with or without a partner, can decrease problems with vaginal atrophy. Sexual activity enhances blood flow to your vagina, which helps keep vaginal tissues healthy."

Hormonal supply is another factor. As we get older, supposedly the decrease in our production of estrogen for women leads to atrophy, and a decline in testosterone leads to a greater incidence of impotence. If women take estrogen to maintain health, how come men don't take testosterone supplements? I know there is some controversy regarding hormone therapy and increased risks of disease, but please, when I am old I think I will still value a nice juicy peach over the chance of disease. Remember, we are all going to die eventually. Is there hormone therapy for men or is Viagra the only option? The one thing we can control, and I think help regulate and activate our bodily systems, is exercise and sexual activity, either alone or with a partner.

Sex is usually one of the first things to be chucked if folks are fatigued, sex and exercise. People always claim to be too tired after a long day to do either, and my premise is that they are connected. If you exercise and have sex, even when tired, you will be more relaxed (sex) and energized (exercise) than of you had just laid back on the couch to watch TV and did neither.

Inertia is a funny thing. "A body in motion tends to remain in motion, a body at rest tends to remain at rest." Which will you wish you chose when you're 64?

One Hand on the Button and the other in the Box

Most women need simultaneous stimulation of the clit and vag to orgasm. Why, oh, why did this creator of ours position these important elements in this way? Luckily, we have learned there are lovely spots in the vaginal sheath that can make our eyes cross (see earlier posts), but they cannot be compared to the powerhouse clit.

There are a few ways to accomplish this dual stimulating feat. First, a sexual position. If you are height compatible with your partner, than this works even better, but essentially it boils down to using your mate's pubic bone to stimulate the clitoris. He's on his back, climb on top, insert tab B into slut A...I mean slot A. If you don't understand, I mean stick it in. Then lay down on top of his chest, rest your legs within his outstretched legs, you can even cross your ankles for extra grabbing action, and slide up and down. Use your feet to push off, and grab your guy. He can help by sliding you a little too, or you can take turns. If he thrusts a little upwards when you are on your way down (and vice versa) his pubic bone will rub nicely against your hot button. There are other positions that work this pubic bone action, trial and error, discovery and exploration and you will figure out which ones you like best.

Second, digital manipulation. Just rub it while you fuck. No brainer, right? Well, some ladies are a little shy about "masturbating" themselves in front of a new guy. I might be a little harsh but I think this kind of shy is ridiculous. Ladies, you are letting them stick their penis in you but are too shy to get yourself off in the process? Shy and demure behavior is not for the bedroom, it's for when you meet his parents, or children, or boss. You will feel better if you get over this and in my experience, men love this, especially when you come as a result. Good guys want you to come! Not be embarrassed. Note of warning: I did this when having sex in a car, drunk. I rubbed that poor clit so hard it swelled up SUPErHuge! The next day I felt like I was kicking a soccer ball as I walked around trying to make sense of what I did to myself...and scared it would never deflate. It did.

Third, sex toys. Combining sex toys and intercourse with another person is a good idea. If you are worried about ruining your man's wood, ah, I mean ego, with the buzzing of your faithful friend, start the session off with a little show. Men like to watch women masturbate, and it is a great way to get riled up, and introduce the merchandise for the first time. When he feels the results he will not worry that you are replacing him with a robot, or that you think he is not enough for you. The truth is, unless he can stimulate your clit successfully while still focusing on fucking you, then yes, he isn't enough for you. This is one fine example of modern gadgets helping people.